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In-Law Trauma Sets In…When?

October 2, 2010
by

{Isaiah’s beautiful mom with his adooorable two sisters. Felicia, the youngest, just turned 18 yesterday, so this photo is a bit older}

Isaiah and I often consider ourselves lucky. Aside from feeling very lucky to have found one another, we don’t have any problems with our future in-law families. Perhaps it’s because we’re not married yet. Is my mother-in-law’s head just going to start spinning the day we get married?

I was semi-annoyed to get a long list of invitations to take quizzes, read articles and answer polls, all dedicated to that darned mother-in-law and her wicked ways.

We were just talking the other day about how each of our mom’s fulfills a “momly” duty for each other that we had kind of been missing in our moms. This isn’t to say our mom’s failed us or are lacking anything, but Isaiah’s mom is a little better as certain things my mom isn’t and my mom is a little better at certain things Isaiah’s mom isn’t.

All in all: Isaiah loves my mom and I love his. We were both blessed with incredible mothers who are both loving, caring, generous and attentive.

I will say I could assume, from our personal experience, that mother-in-law problems start in the interactions between your love and them, not your own interactions. I know Isaiah and I both get all mother-cub on each other’s moms every once in a while, secretly, when we feel each other hurting because of an interaction.

Besides having luckily easy families to get along with, Isaiah and I agreed to love each other’s families long before we met them. I couldn’t even imagine how I would feel if Isaiah didn’t like my mom, who’s literally every reason I’m who I am today and has sacrificed so much for me. It would feel like the most personal insult. I couldn’t do that to him either.

{My beautiful mom – in a photo she hates so much – but that I love}

While I know some families are admittedly harder to get along with that others, I suppose I just hope that couple’s aren’t consumed with hatred for their in-laws, and especially not because you’re “supposed” to. There are so many stereotypical traps in relationships that are easy to fall into. Some, “You complete me,” for example, are just fine. Others, like dreaming of setting your mother-in-law’s hair on fire, not so much.

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. October 2, 2010 11:05 am

    I think it’s just that the extreme is so exciting to magazine-writers. My mother-in-law and I get on just fine, but all the quizzes seem to want you to go shopping together, or be at each other’s throats! I couldn’t imagine going shopping with Alison – she’s just not a girly girl at all, and she’s into sports and gardening, two things that just do not interest me at all.

    I love that picture of your Mom. Is it recent? She looks young! I have a young Mummy, too, and it’s great πŸ™‚

    • October 2, 2010 11:14 am

      I definitely agree. It’s all the buzz to report on hating them and what not. I understand the relationship is strained sometimes…and yeah that photo was from two years ago – she’s a young’n. Isaiah’s mom is super young too. Both of us got nice little pats on our heads when we made it to 22 with no babies. πŸ™‚

  2. October 2, 2010 11:07 am

    I am one of those that didn’t get along with their mother-in-law AT ALL (the movie Monster-in-Law was my favorite movie to describe our relationship!) but we are much better now! It took some time talking things out and letting her know that I wasn’t taking her son away but in fact, she was gaining a daughter too! Now, I go to the movies with her, talk on the phone with her, etc. Its been a 180! LOL

    • October 2, 2010 11:14 am

      I understand sometimes it’s just not going to work out. That’s tricky and upsetting and I do get it. I’m glad you guys are friendly now! That’s awesome!

  3. October 2, 2010 12:21 pm

    My ex and I never got along well with each other’s mothers, and it definitely added a strain. Tony loves my mom, which makes things much easier. His mom isn’t around much, so I haven’t had much opportunity to get to know her.

    • October 2, 2010 12:34 pm

      I definitely understand…it’s hard when two people you love don’t get along, obviously. I’m glad Tony loves your mom!

  4. October 2, 2010 2:40 pm

    It always nice when the families can get along. When the families don’t get along it does add stress to the relationship. I strongly feel that in the case where family members do not like each other, an effort should at least be made to get along.

    • October 2, 2010 2:57 pm

      I couldn’t agree more. I wonder if there’s a whole underbelly of this thing…the chicken and egg scenario where maybe a few people had terrible in-laws…and then it became a phenomenon…where people aren’t even trying to see their new in-law parents as people. I know there are some extenuating circumstances…but if they have a few annoying quirks, isn’t that worth getting over to celebrate the people who made your love the way they are?

  5. October 3, 2010 10:37 am

    i adore my husband’s family especially his mom. i guess this is rare? i remember looking for a quote to use in a gift for her and i found 1 nice quote and about 1,000 negartive ones.

    let’s just consider ourselves some of the lucky ones πŸ™‚

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