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The Phase Before

November 9, 2010

I have this tendency to over think things. I’m not sure if that’s apparent yet, or not. If not, well then I’ll have to work on being a bit more transparent, won’t I?

Not only am I a Type A personality and an ENFP on the Keirsey Temperament Test, I am always thinking about the next phase. Exhibit A – I had senioritis when I was a sophomore in high school.

When Isaiah and I got engaged, however, is the only time I haven’t acted on my impulses as a planner and dreamer to put it all together immediately. Actually, there’s a lot about how our relationship got to this point that has resulted because he changes some of the fundamental things about me that sometimes lead to regrets.

Let me start by telling you that I took a year-long hiatus from dating at 18 because I had become a complete chameleon. Or as a popular story involving Julia Roberts goes, I didn’t know how I wanted my eggs. I spent a year with myself. I read, I rediscovered things I loved and had neglected (piano) and I tried to determine what the hell was wrong with me.

Anyways, I came out the other side of a year and that’s when Isaiah and I started “talking” for real (I’m a middle-schooler sometimes) – we were friends first.

One of an annoying amount of lessons I learned during that time was to establish and embrace/nurture my weaknesses, depending on the situation. My tendency to always look five steps ahead of now often causes me to lose enjoyment in certain phases – kind of the whole live-in-the-moment-thing.

My point is this: Rather than jumping to plan the wedding, we’ve been engaged for almost two years and haven’t planned a thing. It’s not procrastination, I promise you. We are simply enjoying this “stage.” The being engaged stage.

We highly enjoyed and recommend making the most of the dating phase as well.

I’ve not yet succeeded in applying this level of stage-comfort to any other aspect in my life (school & my career freakout), but hey, it’s a step.

Like everything said in this blog, this is just my opinion and the way things work for us. Have you tried enjoying the engaged phase? The married phase before the baby or house phase? The current job phase? The current wardrobe phase?

Just a thought.

9 Comments leave one →
  1. Kristine permalink
    November 9, 2010 2:19 pm

    Hah, yes! The “practically husband” and I have been engaged for nearly three years and still haven’t even set a date. We’ve talked about it but no decisions have been made. While I do want to marry him, there really is no rush. For the most part, we already feel married. We refer to the other as husband or wife and have been living together for over four years. The wedding, while I think I do want one, can wait until we know what we want it to be.

    But then, I am the most indecisive person in the whole world. So it could take a while.

    Thanks for making me feel not so weird.

    • November 9, 2010 6:59 pm

      i’m with you girl, and you’re not weird…different paces are better for different people. we’re dealing with some folks asking us “if we even want to be married?” (yes, of course, DUH).

  2. November 9, 2010 3:50 pm

    My parents were married for 8 years before they had kids-talk about enjoying a stage! My mom always encouraged me to do the same, although I’m a wild planner and love getting to the next big thing on the list. John and I are happy to take time with each other, and let each new thing come as it will. There’s no need to rush when you enjoy each other so much!

    • November 9, 2010 6:57 pm

      DEFINITELY! that sounds fantastic! we want to be married at least five, but mainly because we want to be able to travel and just be husband and wife before we’re “mom” and “dad.” (just our opinion, obviously). i couldn’t agree more, we just enjoy each other’s company…no hurry. 🙂

  3. November 9, 2010 6:18 pm

    Like you, my instinct is to rush into the next phase. Tony forces me to slow down to a very different pace. Sometimes I struggle against his pace and sometimes I resent it, but I have to admit, when I look back, I am so glad that we have not rushed. I can see differences in how we are now from how we were just a few months ago, and a few months before that… and I like where we are going and how we are getting there.

    • November 9, 2010 6:55 pm

      I definitely understand, lady. It’s tough. I’m glad you’re enjoying it/have enjoyed it so far for sure!

  4. November 10, 2010 10:16 am

    this is why i adore you.

  5. November 10, 2010 12:22 pm

    Holy smokes. I’m new to your blog as of, well, today (via Angie), and this post speaks to – no, SCREAMS at – me. Will definitely be following.


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