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July 15, 2010

For some reason, I haven’t been able to catch up this week at all! I’m just packing, taking tests I should have taken earlier in the summer, and trying to spend enough time with Isaiah that I don’t feel gypped when I leave. I can hardly fall asleep at night because I’m all: “Let me squeeze you one more time,” and this trip is only for three weeks, not three months.

My parents (mom & step-dad) are going through a hard time right now. All of this “leaving Isaiah,” yes for a short period of time, but still! has me thinking about love and what I want for my mom. There are some relationships that function, almost from the beginning with a high-sense of practicality, “He has a great job,” “He has similar goals as me, we’ll really work well together.” That’s all well and good, but not for me.

Perhaps it’s true that every relationship “gets” to that place (is pushed), but shouldn’t it at least start out as a mad love affair? I am a wildly independent human being and I can’t stand to be away from Isaiah, because every moment is better when he’s part of it. He’s my best friend, and the first and last person I want to talk to every day. I have known couples that can go days without talking to each other.

Not only do I talk to Isaiah at least 4 times in any given day (lunch breaks, before/after work, when we get home, blah blah..if either of us ever has 5 minutes, we’re all: “I wanna talk.”), but since we started dating about 3.5 years ago, we haven’t gone one. single. day. without speaking…despite living 1000 miles apart for part of that time.

I still have a bajillion things to do before I leave tomorrow, but I have two things I wanted to “leave with you” while I’m gone (I know, 3 weeks, big whoop).

Isaiah and I have always practiced something that I would recommend to any couple, whatsoever. (Not saying you’re all sitting there, “How can we have a relationship like yours?!” or anything…take it or leave it).

We have never gone to bed mad at each other. Generally, a fight between us doesn’t last longer than an hour. (Something about our Chicago-loud-ness, it doesn’t take long for us to get it all out in the open, no reserved feelings here) But, even if it has, when it’s time for bed, it’s truce, with no, “Let’s continue” in the morning. The ability to let things go, be the first to apologize, I feel, gets so lost sometimes in relationships. Let’s take it back, huh?

The last thing! Be nice to Isaiah while he’s, so generously, offered to keep ya updated while I’m gone. I’m really looking forward to catching up on your blogs when I get back, but Isaiah probably won’t do that (ees okay).

Anyways, I only have about 20 travel-sized bottles of little, adorable products to pack left. It’s official.

{P.S. For the kick-ass kids getting married while I’m gone, good luck!}

13 Comments leave one →
  1. zegroom permalink
    July 15, 2010 12:48 pm

    i will try to keep up… you folks have this down my gal included.

  2. July 15, 2010 1:02 pm

    You are so cute. We’ll be sure to take care of him.

    I think the whole going to bed mad thing gets lost in translation when people say “don’t go to bed mad.” First- going to bed mad can mean really good make up sex. Second- what you two do is totally awesome. You acknowledge you’re pissed off, but you put it off for a night and get back to it later. I think it’ s healthy. Third- I wish Josh and I fought like Chicagoans. I can see how it can condense a fight into an hour or so. Next to last- I agree. Take back the word “sorry” and use it. Saying it doesn’t make us weak. It actually makes us stronger. Last- Have such a good time and have so much fun and don’t go running off with Simons while you’re gone!!! πŸ™‚

    • July 15, 2010 1:42 pm

      Thanks! Definitely, I hear you.
      Sometimes I see fights between my mom & step-dad and they last for days…and I’m all: “What is worth that?” You get so upset and stuck in the process of being upset and cold…it’s harder every time to come back to it.
      We try to never let the vulnerability close up, you know? Cause after that, I think it’s just easier and easier to be cruel and calloused.

      I couldn’t agree more about sorry. One of the best words ever.

      I will miss you!

  3. July 15, 2010 1:08 pm

    Ack! We’ll miss you!

    “I am a wildly independent human being and I can’t stand to be away from Isaiah, because every moment is better when he’s part of it. He’s my best friend, and the first and last person I want to talk to every day. I have known couples that can go days without talking to each other.”

    This is how we are, too. I also prefer to stop fighting before sleep. I get completely discombobulated and can’t rest at all if we go to sleep mad.

    • July 15, 2010 1:44 pm

      Bah! I’ll miss you as well!
      I hear you – I just think, “What in the world is worth fighting with this man FOR DAYS over?” Plus he has such a cute I’m sorry face….what girl could stay mad at him. πŸ™‚

      I can’t wait to catch up on everything! πŸ™‚

  4. July 15, 2010 1:42 pm

    I can’t say that Marrv and I end every fight/argument before bed – a Scotsman and a Lebanese lady sometimes take a long time to cool down, but we are definitely working towards figuring out these parts of our relationship … It’s interesting because in our little blog world I think we’re the ones who have been together the shortest…living together at 5 months, engaged at 10 months….etc etc. So even with how sure we are about being in it for the long haul, there’s still a lot of learning and growing to do together. But I think what you two do is pretty wonderful – being able to say ‘ok done with this’ and cuddle back up instead.

    And yes, we have yet to go a day as well without talking (or at least texting/IMing/quick call…) starting with the night we met…it was full force from minute 1. And I love it.

    Have a really fabulous time and we’ll take care of yo’ man while you’re away πŸ™‚

    • July 15, 2010 1:48 pm

      Haha thanks! I feel ya, every couple fights extremely differently, I suppose I just think it’s really healing to go to sleep after making up before the night is done…I guess I’m just never that mad at him and it forces us to talk, you know? Because even if it gets silent, one of us will say, “What happened to not going to bed mad?” We know it’s cooled off, and we’re ready to talk, you know?

      I’m only thinking about how we do that now because we (by we, I mean I) have been kind of snarky lately because of the stress…and we’re being really careful not to fight before I leave…no wasted days. you know?

      I love full-force! It’s the only way. πŸ™‚
      Thanks so much!

  5. July 16, 2010 5:00 am

    have the best time! take lots of pictures, eat crazy food, do crazy things. you will be missed but glad to hear we will still get posts! also, good advice on the ‘never go to bed mad’. I need to work on this (I need to work more on ‘don’t suffer in silence and say everything is fine when you are beyond stressed and want to cry and punch walls and eat brownies all at once)

  6. July 16, 2010 10:20 am

    Chris and I are the exact same way! We email all day long and take time to call too!
    We are b.f.f.s and I think some couples are just like that, especially if they have similiar interests and personalities.
    And my mom always told me, straight from the Bible, “don’t let the sun go down on your anger” so Chris and I definitely try to live by that…(but there are times when it’s just SO hard to swallow my pride, he may be better at it than I! )

    And we totally feel ya on the long distance thing: we dated long-distance pretty much our whole relationship, maybe that’s why we spend so much time together now!

    have a great trip girl! πŸ™‚

  7. July 16, 2010 1:35 pm

    You guys sound just like Michael and I! — Although replace being from Chicago with the fact that we’re both part Italian (the part that makes us get everything out quickly when we fight haha)…but that’s really great advice: don’t go to bed mad. Fighting for too long just isn’t worth it, it’s a waste!

    Although, to clarify, it IS important to fight (of course not to the extreme). But I recently read a study that couples who fought in the early stages of the relationship got all their problems taken care of and were more likely to stay together in the long run. On the contrary, couples who don’t fight are clearly just holding everything in, and that’s a recipe for disaster and resentment. Back to the point, I’d say we both seem to be doing a pretty good job πŸ™‚

    Have an AWESOME time away, Lizzie! Your posts will be missed for the next 3 weeks.

  8. July 16, 2010 5:29 pm

    Hey girl!

    People tell me all the time not to go to bed angry. But guess what? I’m an introvert. I need to process what I feel in my head before I share them. I like to figure out how to express my anger in a constructive way. Granted, this approach makes me hold on to feelings longer than I should. Lucky for me, Brian is a gloves-off, hot-tempered screamer, or else we’d never get anything done. πŸ˜‰ All this to say: to each his own. Good for you guys for being able to let go of your anger within an hour.

    Enjoy your trip and safe travels, lady! When you get back I’ll be a married woman. (GASP!!)

  9. July 17, 2010 11:31 am

    Hey yeah, that whole fighting thing…….. we’re both extremely stubborn, and very forgiving, so it takes awhile to apologize but once said, its all over. We don’t go to bed angry either unless the fight starts cause he says something ridiculous in bed, which has only happened once. I say my peace and its over.
    We had our loudest tiff just a couple nights ago – and at 1Β½ years into marriage! I’d say that’s a pretty good distance to go before dropping f-bombs (me) and storming out slamming the door (him) and crying so loudly on the front porch you can hear a neighbor say “is someone crying out there?” (me) to finally coming back home after ignoring my calls and texts with a six pack of beer and cigarettes (him) and we don’t smoke. haha. best cure for the adrenaline all that can bring on.
    He’s the best.

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