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From Her Fridays: Perspective

July 9, 2010
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I had an interesting run-in with perspective this week. For a week, I didn’t drink any pop. I am a fiend for some soda. Same as, for a week I didn’t have any cigarettes. I reintroduced pop, for some reason. I was doing great with only water, and it has been a goal of mine to cut soda {however faint and undetermined}. I spent an entire week dreaming about when I would next have a pop, instead of focusing on and rewarding myself that I hadn’t. Fecking perspective.

So while my body has been readjusting to caffeine again, my sleep schedule got turned upside down. Like its happened before, my head was a swirly vortex of everything I felt inadequate about lately, culminating one night at 2am. I sat up, dead set to make Isaiah pay for making me feel this way. I poked him hard in the shoulder and was all mild-voiced FREAKOUT! on him. Why wasn’t he doing this? Why was he doing this? Isaiah woke up in a haze with me wanting to talk serious about our relationship. Not a good scene. There were a few things that were on my mind lately about how we were treating each other for the last week. However. 90% of it was my new separation from nicotine and a lack of sleep. I was convinced that we couldn’t wait another minute to talk about it and went a little nuts. I was 48 hours without a normal sleep routine, in my defense. Fecking perspective.

I’m looking at a flobbity-jillion weddings online, convinced that I want them all. I can have bunting, crepe paper, ribbons, pom-poms, moss, ivy, balloons, AND garland decorating the altar! I’ve kept a pretty level head looking through weddings, but I do geek-out about details, convinced I will be able to recreate them with ease. My first thought, before I ever thought of another wedding for us was a pavilion in a  city park, doing a pig-roast decked out with some decorations, great music and good beer. Barrels of good beer. We talked about what we wanted for our wedding and the monstrosity that was going to put us way over budget was born in our minds. We can totally do the rest of the wedding with X-tinysum left after venue-rental! Yadda, yadda. Fecking perspective.

I also had a chance to check in with the couple whose wedding I went to about a week ago. She thought the wedding was a dream, it was everything she hoped for and more. I thought it was one of the most boring events I’ve been to in recent years. Fecking perspective.

Chances are, your wedding is not going to be everything you dreamed of if you are not focused on perspective. We never got together anything like Angie’s wedding pillars or goals or anything really that would serve as a place to catch our wedding-related-bearings. Luckily, our wedding has never been out-of-control because we haven’t made any decisions yet. Nothing has been signed. We do need perspective. We need something that will ensure the day is a success to us. I didn’t love that wedding recently, but they did? I have been to weddings that I thought were perfect. Every little detail went as planned, I thought! Meanwhile, in the bathroom getting pinned is a teary-eyed bride, “Mom, did you hear the harpist miss that damn note?! How could she, is she trying to destroy the wedding?!”

We talked today about going back to our pig-roast. Isaiah’s family has one annually, and I don’t see why we shouldn’t throw in a second. It’s everything I picture for the wedding, and I’m not sure why. It may have something to do with the fact that my family doesn’t have any traditions and his does. I love traditions. I guess we have some goals to write out for the wedding. How do you keep a clear head with all of these beautiful weddings around? Jeez.

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35 Comments leave one →
  1. July 9, 2010 8:17 am

    Totally hear ya on this one! I keep finding things I want – and I’m down to days!! Having a budget, a loose theme & a level-headed groom who listens to me go on & on about ideas until I come around to the realization they’re not practical are what’s keeping me from trying to do everything I see!

    I kept a folder full of ideas & after a few months I went through it & picked things that worked with each other, things that still ‘spoke’ to me after a few weeks – I found that helped narrow the field.

    Also, I’m totally in support of the pig roast – since it’s what we’re doing, too! And big congrats on trying to quit smoking & cutting out other things – and on trying to do this well in advance of the big day, not just in the few weeks before, when you definitely don’t need the added stress!

    • July 9, 2010 10:53 am

      Definitely! I had no idea you were doing a pig roast, lady! I only ever read about your bouquet! Word up. Thanks!

  2. July 9, 2010 8:30 am

    Lizzie, I totally know how you feel! It’s so hard to see weddings planned on a $100,000 budget and wish you could have the same. I’m learning a lot lately about cutting things out that aren’t important (while I want those $20/each linens, do I really need them?!). We just have to remember that it’s ONE day, and it’s not even so much about that day as about the MARRIAGE. It’s easy to loose sight of that, but I think if you really want a pig roast, you should do it! That seems like an awesome and FUN wedding. After all, what’s more important — $20 linens or that you and your guests actually have an awesome time? I’ll take the good time 😉

    But thanks for the very honest post, I think a lot of brides feel exactly the same way! And congrats on quitting smoking!!! I’ve seen Michael try a million times to no avail, but he’s working on it 🙂

    • July 9, 2010 10:55 am

      Yeah, I got “lucky” because I had my wisdom teeth out…so I literally COULDN’T smoke for a couple days. Once I was past that it was like, “Wait…why start again?” I’m having SUCH a hard time with it, though. I know it’s gotta be hard for you to get if you don’t smoke, Isaiah’s just now grasping it, but I wish him the best of luck!

      • July 9, 2010 1:45 pm

        Thanks! Michael’s most successful time quitting (which latest for a solid 4 months) was after he got a tooth knocked out while tubing on the river (long story). Needless to say, he had to get bone graft surgery and was not allowed to smoke. Sadly, he gave in shortly after the bone healed…so I encourage you to BE STRONG! He regrets starting again.

  3. July 9, 2010 8:41 am

    i think you just get away from them all.

    i don’t see how a pig roast could possibly be boring. fyi.

    (i cut out soda recently. but i drink the carbonated fruit juice from trader joe’s or izze when i’m REEEALLY craving it)

    • July 9, 2010 10:55 am

      You’re pretty cool, Liz. Thanks, I don’t think a pig roast could be boring either, lol.

  4. July 9, 2010 8:58 am

    Nothing like wedding season to make a future bride want to off herself…

    Pig Roast wedding – I could totally get down with that. Send the picture to Martha Stewart Weddings afterward and see what happens!

    • July 9, 2010 10:57 am

      NO kidding. I’m all like, they did WHAT for their wedding and had it WHERE? Don’t even get me started on rehearsal dinners or planning in Chicago…If I see one more rehearsal dinner the bride-to-be wore a dress the likes of I’ll be wearing on my wedding day, I’ll vomit. Same with another wedding in Salvage One. I’m convinced that Salvage One was created for me…with me in mind…and other bride’s having their weddings there are making me all hiss-y like a cat.

      Thanks!

      • July 9, 2010 12:05 pm

        I just laughed when I read this reply because, well, Salvage One almost broke up my marriage before it started. It also almost made my mother emancipate herself from me. I WANTED IT SO BAD. Not in the cards. Not even in the same freaking room with our cards. There may have been some tears and foot-stomping that went on for days after that. Now I also just hate people who have their weddings there. RICH BASTARDS! Just kidding -lucky brides.

      • July 9, 2010 3:31 pm

        Dude. Salvage One is the venue I would start if I had thought of it first. And I would charge the same if I knew what a gem I had. Sucks.

  5. July 9, 2010 9:46 am

    OMFG….

    1.) You are soooooooo from Chicago with your “pop.” Love that. Our officiate is from Chicago and she will never ever say “soda.”

    2.) Pillars are worthless. Yes, you heard it here first! It’s good in the beginning and it gets you started, but you can never predict what your decisions will look like and where planning will take you.

    3.) You fucking got this shit. Down packed. You have your A-Game. Isaiah has his A-Game. You guys are going to fucking rock your wedding with whatever you do.

    4.) I should really listen to my own advice.

    5.) I know you had a crummy week- sleepless, popless, smokeless. But those weeks end. They all do. Then they get better and sometimes they get shitty again. That’s life. But you’re a fucking rockstar and those kind of weeks don’t break you.

    6.) I am giving you an Internet hug. And Josh and I are buying you and Isaiah Internet beers. They’re chocolate stouts, hope you guys like them. It’s like drinking a loaf of yummy bread, right?

    7.) Being all cray-cray like this is a good sign- you care about your wedding and your relationship and the meaning of weddings. We go through this because we need to. The end of the tunnel is in sight, trust me.

    8.) Josh and I don’t have our shit together. It may seem like it because we have pillars, but that means shit. Pillars aren’t making our Chuppah or our bunting or our poms… we have to. Just gotta tackle things one at a time. The big stuff will be there and that’s all that matters.

    9.) We make wedding plans over bottles of wine. It’s fun and you care less about the little things.

    10.) Pig roast = mos def.

    Don’t stress. You guys are awesome and every little bit of that will show on your wedding day AND in your marriage. 🙂

    • July 9, 2010 10:58 am

      Angie. I…NEVER cry. I mean that. I think I may have cried more this week than ever before. Kinda going through something for some odd reason. BUT. My eyes have been kind of welled up all day waiting for a reason kind of. Thanks.

    • July 9, 2010 12:06 pm

      Soda? What is this “soda” of which you speak?? It’s totally POP.

      Ok, I’m done barfing comments all over your blog now. Sorry 🙂

  6. July 9, 2010 10:27 am

    I think a pig roast would be awesome. When I was a little kid, my third cousin had a pig roast for her wedding and it was wonderful. Our fam used to do family reunions, and roast pigs at them, so it was like a family reunion at the wedding, pig and all.

    I guess the reason I don’t get overwhelmed by all the pretty on the internet is that we have a clear idea of what we want. I see it very rarely on the internet, so I’m safe from thinking I need this and that for it. Plus, it has a minimal aesthetic, which helps cut down on needing decorations I see online. I think you and Isaiah should sit down and hash out exactly what you want. By putting something on paper that is specific, it’ll guide your focus. And then you can disregard the details in other online weddings that don’t fit your wedding vision.

    • July 9, 2010 11:00 am

      Definitely. We have a clear idea of BOTH weddings we want. And that’s the problem. We have this like ultra modern, swanky, finer-things side…and this gritty, city-life, indie side….we can’t choose for the wedding. BUT a pig roast has sat well with my tummy since the very first day, it’s what I see when I envision the wedding, even when I try to think of something else, and it’s got ties to other parts of us. We are definitely sitting down and thinking about this. Thanks so much for your advice!

      • July 9, 2010 2:50 pm

        you sound like me and josh. we had the same dichotomy.

        we opted for swanky/chic (at least… i hope that’s what came out of it…) because (try to follow me here), being all fine-dining-swanky-city-life was something that we shared as a couple. we were both hip artsy indie kids before we met each other. but enjoying the city, getting dressed up to try a new restaurant, going to jazz clubs… all stuff neither of us had done before one another.

  7. July 9, 2010 2:21 pm

    i bought a dr. pepper today.

    thanks for knocking me off the wagon.

    • July 9, 2010 3:29 pm

      Damn! It’s like that? I almost bought cigarettes today. Thanks for keeping me on mine. At least you can have a single pop. haha….(sorry)

  8. July 9, 2010 4:30 pm

    Ha! I had to stop and think what you meant by “pop.” Have I told you how much I love “flobbity jillion,” too?

    Your week sounds awful. Hopefully it will get better soon.

    If it makes you feel any better, I bought my first pair of Mom jeans from Not Your Daughter’s Jeans, and they looked better than the expensive jeans I used to wear. I might as well give myself over to granny panties. 😛

    • July 9, 2010 4:32 pm

      Haha. That does make me feel better. “Flobbity Jillion” is something I picked up from How I Met Your Mother a while ago, it never shook. You should TOTALLY watch that show if you don’t, it’s incredible. Definitely on my top 3 desert island show list.

      You are awesome, miss lady.

      • July 10, 2010 8:58 am

        I used to watch it until I gave up cable about three years ago. I’ll have to put it on my Netflix cue.

  9. July 9, 2010 5:19 pm

    Soda is a major, major weakness of mine. I wonder if it stems from not being able to drink much as a kid. A year or so ago, I forced myself to switch to Diet so I could lower my sugar intake; diet used to taste bad to me, but now it tastes normal (though I still prefer regular by a hair). But in an odd way, I’m not sure that was the best decision – because I drink a lot more soda now. And yeah, it’s sugarless, but it’s not exactly good for me (apparently diet soda is bad for the teeth too, for different reasons). If I had the self-restraint I’d rather drink an occasional regular than lots of Diet.

    • July 9, 2010 10:53 pm

      I drink TONS of caffeine free diet. An abnormal amount. As is usual with folks who drink diet, I suppose. I HAVE added tons of water to counterbalance, which is a step up. I used to think of water as leprous or something. EWWW….water…

      Anyways, good luck with that, I don’t know that I’ll part with pop. I’ll have to wait until the next time I’m debilitated for a week from some crazy operation or at least a minor one in my toofers.

      Who knows.

  10. July 9, 2010 6:20 pm

    I feel for brides nowadays. Our wedding was just last year ago and yet it seems likes the wedding world, especially the blogosphere, has exploded with all sorts of ideas. Between the real wedding features and photoshoots it’s overload for the senses. To think, inspiration boards used to be my cause for pause.

    With that said, going back and forth between ideas is pretty common. I did it and it will happen to most of us at some point. Once I removed the idea that my wedding will be the happiest day of my life, it relieved quite bit of pressure. As long as you have some perspective (which you do!) everything will work out fine.

  11. July 10, 2010 11:28 am

    Hey lady. I completely know what you are going thru. I don’t cry ever…and I cried more the week leading up to my wedding then ever before. I also started plenty of useless fights with my fiance for no reason at all! lol In the end, I say go with your gut feeling and what you deep down want for your wedding. If it has always been a pig roast then do that! That sounds like a blast to me. If it is a big elaborate wedding then do that. I ended up ignoring all the blogs & went with what I wanted…it wasn’t super elaborate or expensive but it was me. I loved it & wouldn’t change anything about that night. We also had a million crazy things happen…someone lit their menu on fire by accident, our power went out at the very end of our first dance, and we forgot our glasses for our first toast. I wasn’t upset at all b/c it is things like that that create fun memories that you can look back on. Don’t worry about the little things & just enjoy each other that day. Sorry for writing a book. lol

    • July 11, 2010 10:19 pm

      No worries, write away! I’m so far from the wedding, we’ve got time to figure it out, haha. Thanks!

  12. July 11, 2010 3:12 pm

    I can tell you when we started it was going to be a barefoot on the beach wedding and VERY simple. It turned into a barefoot on the side of a mountain wedding with lots of DIY projects that we tormented over. It is tough to keep things in perspective if you browse the wedding blogs much b/c you keep seeing things you love and change your focus 1,000 times. This was a topic I blogged a lot about early on. At the end of the day I ended up narrowing my focus and making a decision on the direction of the wedding – after that I’d see cool things on blogs but didn’t stray from our focus. We did end up doing more for our wedding then originally intended but I don’t regret a thing. I don’t regret that we didn’t have a simple beach wedding b/c for the most part we still had a fairly simple mountain wedding that still retained it’s intimacy. I will say I do look at blogs now and say “I wish we would have done that” but it all turned out amazing and now I’ll just have to live vicariously through other brides I work with! Good luck keeping it all in perspective.

    • July 11, 2010 11:00 pm

      Thanks so much, Debbie. I loved your wedding! Felt very authentic and it was gorgeous (from the photos!) Wedding blogs might be the death of me. I barely bookmark anything nowadays, trying to decide away from it all and then hunt down projects that fit within that idea. I feel like too much of an angry 90’s kid to follow the herd for some reason, haha. Don’t we all. Thanks for the input, you certainly did it right and came out the other side so gracefully!

  13. July 11, 2010 8:56 pm

    first, impressed with you non smoking and no caffeine! I love me some caffeine. I cannot cut it off especially now. Also, I’ve been eating like its my job but thats besides the point. Literally just don’t look at those wedding. Just don’t! If I did everything that I fancied, my wedding would just be an enormous Once Wed explosion.

    Oh and do a pig roast! That sounds like so much fun!

    • July 11, 2010 11:02 pm

      Haha, thanks so much Lisa! We’re considering the pig roast seriously. THAT is a ton of work, unfortunately. Haha. I love the pick it and leave it approach of Carnivale. Eat away. I’m caffeine-less, but I could NOT cut it for the life of me before that week-long recovery where I was forbidden. So I don’t blame you, haha.

  14. July 12, 2010 10:24 am

    A PR pig roast is something to behold. Add a wedding and I think that would be pretty much perfection. And Lizzie, crying a lot is pretty much part of the process. And waking up in the middle of the night trying to talk about things, then being ignored and crying some more. I was an expert at that.

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